These Words from My Dad That Helped Me during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was just trying to survive for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the truth soon became "completely different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her chief support as well as caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a chat with his father, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The direct words "You aren't in a healthy space. You need support. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to addressing the strain on mums and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a broader reluctance to communicate among men, who continue to internalise harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to take a respite - going on a couple of days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "terrible choices" when in his youth to modify how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a friend, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their stories, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they confronted their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I think my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."